Wishing Your Life Away

This morning, I was thinking how I want to count down the days until April (and NaPoWriMo) are over. That reminded me of a time when I worked for The Mothership (large corporation on a government contract). I walked into the bathroom and chatted with the janitor. I told her I wished it was Friday. She said something about how sad it is to wish your life away.

Ka-boom.

I went back to my desk and sat there thinking about how my life needed to change. Several areas, I thought, could be improved. Did I want to be someone who’s wishing her life away? My writing wasn’t going that well. I didn’t love what I did, but it was okay. I liked my colleagues and clients, and that was a big plus.

After that brief conversation, I had more conversations. I enrolled in a coaching program, and I can’t even begin to explain how that helped me become a better participant in and observer of the world. It did. One of my friends asked why I didn’t make my life 100% poetry. After letting her know that she was completely insane, I did it. I started 32 Poems, made a deeper committment to writing, and started sending out work. Technically, it might not have been 100%. After all, I have family, friends, space-out time, and so on. Poetry did become higher on my list of priorities.

Since that time, I’ve been pleased with how my writing has integrated itself into my life.
In the recent issue of Poets and Writers, Dan Barden writes about being a parent and a writer. There’s the feeling of being nowhere — writing a poem while playing ball or thinking of the child while working on writing. Everything blends together. My interests are no longer so separate from each other.

As Suzanne F. said on her blog, writing and family were high on her list. Friends suffered. And that’s how it is for me. I could have made deeper friendships with some people in my town. However much I like these folks, my energy can’t go there right now. I cruise along with the friends I have, and many of these friends are also struggling to create (houses, buildings, paintings, businesses, courses, and poems) and raise children and get the dust bunnies cleaned at least once a year and have a healthy meal once in a while and work.

I stopped today and thought about April and NaPoWriMo. No more wishing my life away. I am mothering, writing, eating well, working at a job I like. I am not especially eager for Friday to arrive.